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Sunday 2 June 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

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100 funny jokes Biography

Tim Minchin is an Australian musician, composer, songwriter, actor, comedian and writer.

Originally from Perth, he completed a Bachelor of Arts in English and Theatre at the University of Western Australia in 1995, then an Advanced Diploma in Contemporary Music at the Conservatorium of WA – part of the WA Academy of Performing Arts – in 1998.
In 2002, he moved to Melbourne, where he began to develop the solo comedy shows which have gained him public and critical acclaim. He developed his unique style during an 18-month period when he played regularly in the famous 40-seat cabaret room of The Butterfly Club in South Melbourne, before producing his break out show, Dark Side, at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 2005. This show won the inaugural Festival Directors’ Award and was picked up by legendary Edinburgh producer, Karen Koren, matriarch of the Gilded Balloon.
At the Edinburgh Fringe, Tim became one of the most successful ever debut acts, selling out the 300-seat Debating Hall and winning the Perrier Award for Best Newcomer. He subsequently went on to perform Dark Side at the Soho Theare and the Lyric Theatre in London’s West End, and also appeared on a bill with Mariah Carey and Westlife for the Tickled Pink Breast Cancer Fundraiser at the Royal Albert Hall (RAH), London.
Rock n Roll Nerd, a documentary about Tim’s life as he rose from obscurity to celebrity, between 2005 and 2006, was written, directed and filmed by Rhian Skirving. It premièred at the Melbourne International Film Festival in July 2008 and was released on DVD by Madman Entertainment in May 2009. It was shown at the Australian Film Festival at the Barbican, London in 2009.
Tim appeared at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival in 2006 and the HBO US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado in January 2007, where he won the award for Best Alternative Comedian. In November that year, he performed at the HBO Comedy Festival in Las Vegas and sold out short seasons at Ars Nova in New York and the ACME Comedy Theatre in LA. He returned to the Just For Laughs Festival in 2010.
He performed for a six-week run at the New World Stages in New York in March 2008 and he was onstage again at the Royal Albert Hall (RAH), London, for The Secret Policeman’s Ball in October 2008, for Amnesty. He is regularly in demand to join line ups at various benefit gigs including WSPA, OrangAid and Nine Lessons and Carols for Godless People in 2009; Libel Reform and Reprieve in 2010; Teenage Cancer Trust at the RAH, Friends of the Earth’s ‘Laugh or the Polar Bear Gets It’ and Crisis: Stand Up and Rock in 2011 and the Princes Gala Trust and War On Want in 2012. He has also performed at both TAM London events to date.
In Australia, he has performed sellout shows at the Sydney Opera House, the Brisbane Powerhouse and His Majesty’s Theatre in Perth, and has performed at the Adelaide Fringe, the Adelaide Cabaret Festival, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and the Big Laugh Festival in Sydney.
He has become a favourite at various UK festivals and outdoor events including Latitude, The Big Chill, Reading and Leeds Weekends, Camp Bestival, Sonosphere, V, Hay, the Eden Sessions, Kew The Music, E4’s Udderbelly and Somerset House. In the US he performed at the 2011 Sasquatch Festival and the 2012 Reason Rally. He’ll perform at Homebake Music, Film & Arts Festival 2012: The Global edition, Sydney Australia in December 2012.
Tim’s show Ready For This? toured the UK, Australia and New Zealand to sell-out audiences in 2009 and 2010.
Tim embarked on his first Arena tour of the UK, in December 2010, joined by the 55-piece Heritage Orchestra and a band, including a performance at the O2, London. He then took the show to Australia, in early 2011, performing to packed houses with the state symphony orchestras all over the country, including four sold out dates at the Sydney Opera House, the fourth of which was recorded and broadcast live on Australian TV by ABC2. He then returned to the UK for some more arena dates, reunited with the Heritage Orchestra in Scotland and England, in April and May 2011, including two performances at The Royal Albert Hall. He toured Australia again in early 2012, performing once again with the various state symphony orchestras with Tim Minchin vs The Orchestras – Round II.
Tim has released four live comedy albums: Dark Side (2005), So Rock (2006) and Ready For This? (2009) which was recorded with a band at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London. Tim Minchin & the Heritage Orchestra was recorded at the Manchester Arena in December 2010.

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

100 funny jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

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101 Funny Jokes Biography
Esther Jane Williams (born August 8, 1921 some sources inaccurately cite 1922) is a retired American competitive swimmer and MGM movie star.
Esther Williams set multiple national and regional swimming records in her late teens as part of the Los Angeles Athletic Club swim team. Unable to compete in the 1940 Summer Olympics because of the outbreak of World War II, she joined Billy Rose's Aquacade, where she took on the role vacated by Eleanor Holm after the show's move from New York City to San Francisco. There, she spent five months swimming alongside Olympic swimmer and Tarzan star, Johnny Weissmuller. It was at the Aquacade that Williams caught the attention of MGM scouts. After appearing in several small roles, alongside Mickey Rooney in an Andy Hardy film, and future five time co-star Van Johnson in A Guy Named Joe, Williams made a series of films in the 1940s and early 1950s known as "aquamusicals", which featured elaborate performances with synchronized swimming and diving.
From 1945 to 1949, Williams had at least one film listed among the 20 highest grossing films of the year.In 1952, Williams appeared in her only biographical role, as Australian swimming star Annette Kellerman in Million Dollar Mermaid, which would go on to become her nickname while at MGM. Williams left MGM in 1956 and appeared in a handful of unsuccessful feature films, followed by several extremely popular water-themed television specials, including one from Cypress Gardens, Florida.
Since her retirement from film in the 1960s, Williams has become a businesswoman, lending her name to a line of swimming pools and retro swimwear, instructional swimming videos for children, and serving as a commentator for synchronized swimming at the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. As of 2011 Williams lives with her fourth husband, Edward Bell, in Beverly Hills.
Born in Inglewood, California, Williams was the fifth and youngest child of Louis Stanton Williams (January 19, 1886 – June 10, 1968) and Bula Myrtle (née Gilpin; October 8, 1885 – 1975).Louis Williams was a sign painter and Bula Williams was a psychologist. The two lived on neighboring farms in Kansas and carried on a nine-year courtship until June 1, 1908, when they eloped and set off for California. However, they ran out of money in Salt Lake City, Utah, and settled there. Williams's brother, Stanton (September 4, 1912 – March 3, 1929) was discovered by actressMarjorie Rambeau, which led to the family (including sisters Maurine and June and brother David) moving to the Los Angeles area to be near the studios. Louis Williams purchased a small piece of land in southwest area of town, and had a small house built there. Esther was born in the living room, which was also where the family slept until Louis Williams was able to add bedrooms. In 1929, Stanton Williams died after his colon burst.
In 1935, Bula Williams invited 16-year-old Buddy McClure to live with her family. McClure had recently lost his mother and Mrs Williams was still grieving over the death of her son. Esther recounted in her autobiography that one night, when the rest of the family was visiting relatives inAlhambra, McClure raped her. She was terrified to tell anyone about the incident and waited two years before finally revealing the truth to her parents. They seemed unsure about her story, claiming McClure was "sensitive" and were sympathetic towards him when he admitted his guilt. After Williams stood up to him and banished him from her home, McClure joined the Coast Guard, and Williams never saw him again.
Williams has been married four times. She met her first husband Leonard Kovner while attending Los Angeles City College. She later wrote in her autobiography The Million Dollar Mermaid that "he was smart, handsome, dependable...and dull. I respected his intelligence, and his dedication to a future career in medicine. He loved me, or so he said, and even asked me to marry him." They were married in the San Francisco suburb of Los Altos on June 27, 1940.On their split she said "I found, much to my relief, that all I needed for my emotional and personal security was my own resolve and determination. I didn't need a marriage and a ring. I had come to realize all too quickly that Leonard Kovner was not a man I could ever really love." They divorced on September 12, 1944.

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

101 Funny Jokes Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

Funny Jokes One Liners Pictures Pics Images Photos 2013

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Funny Jokes One Liners Biography
There's something wrong with Sarah Millican. She looks different. I'm unnerved. "Where are your glasses?" I say, a little louder than is necessary. "Oh, they're in my bag," she says. "D'you want us to put them on? Do they make you feel more comfortable?" She bursts out laughing. She's sitting in a room in a Soho hotel, surrounded by coffee and breakfast pastries. "Can I have one?" I say. "Course you can, love, that's what they're there for."
Millican has established herself as one of Britain's most endearing comics, with routines about blowjobs, farting in enclosed spaces and husbands who walk out never to return. She doesn't do one-liners: she tells embarrassing stories, all based on her life, all recounted in high-pitched Geordie, and almost all of them garnished with below-the-belt naughtiness. She's the filthy girl next door you'd always hoped for: warm, open and engaging. Or so it seems.
Millican became a comic at 29 after her marriage broke down. She loved her husband and thought they were blissfully happy – until he left after eight years. She went back home to live with her parents in South Shields and something strange happened. While most of the time she felt distraught, sometimes she felt she could climb Everest on one leg. "There were days when I felt I could do anything. And on one of those days, I signed up for a workshop for people who had written but never performed." She'd been a film columnist for a local free paper and had a half-hour play performed in South Shields.
Within months, she was performing standup, telling strangers the traumatic story of her breakup – as she says, she lost a husband and gained an audience. It was a form of therapy: they laughed, told her he was a cock for leaving her, and she felt better. In 2008, she won the best newcomer award at the Edinburgh fringe for Sarah Millican's Not Nice, the show about her divorce. She became a regular on panel shows and earlier this year was given her own series on BBC2, The Sarah Millican Television Programme, in which she tells blue stories, interviews guests, talks to her father on Skype and analyses TV.
Has she always been filthy? "I think so. People say, 'When your parents come to see you, are they shocked?' But I'm like this all the time. I'm not slaggy, not promiscuous. I've always been quite a nice girl, but I've just got a dirty mind. I think you can be dirty with one bloke at a time. He he he!"
Humour runs in the family. Millican, 37, tells me her sister says the only difference between Sarah and the rest of them is that she gets paid for being funny. Was she always confident? In a way, she says. At home, her parents encouraged her, and she was always reading out poems or performing dances for them. School, though, was different. I ask her if she was popular and she looks at me as if I'm crackers. "Not really. Just very quiet. And bookish people who do their homework and get it in on time and it's good – they don't have friends at school. I never really got in the cliques. I didn't have the right shoes or hair. I desperately wanted to get into them, but never did, and I'm glad now because that's the kind of thing that makes you a comic. That little bit of resistance."
Was she bullied? "I was never punched. I think verbal abuse is potentially worse than being punched in the arm. I got called names every day. I got called Norma-No-Mates and Speccy-Four-Eyes." I tell her I prefer Norma-No-Mates. "You pick whichever of my horrible names you prefer, you shit!" Well Speccy-Four-Eyes isn't that personal, is it? "It is when there are only two of you in the year with glasses. Don't tell me what's hurtful when I'm seven. How do you know what's hurtful to me?" I'd meant it as a joke, but she's not taking it that way. "It's bullshit," she says. "I know what hurts."
Millican loved schoolwork, and had hoped to go to university, but it never worked out. Her father had a good job as an engineer in the mines, but the family were almost broken by the 1984-85 strike; at times they had to scour the beach for driftwood, and didn't have enough money for bus fares. Her dad went back to the mines, but they were never as comfortable. "My mam and dad could only afford for me to go if I stayed at home, and I knew part of university was to make beans on toast in a bedsit and have parties. My dad was working seven days a week and I didn't want to put any more pressure on him." So she went out to work instead, doing things she hated, filling out forms for people in the job centre, serving in shops.
Fast forward to today and there's a new DVD coming out and she's making a second series of the TV show. Her father, she says, loves guesting on the programme. "He got his teeth done just for the telly. He got them tidied up a bit. I didn't even get mine done." Will he be in the new series? "We've not made the decision yet. He's bought some shirts just in case."
Millican is now in a happy, long-term relationship with another comic. In fact, the relationship provides lots of material. For example, she often talks about how happy they are together because she lives in Manchester and he in Birmingham, so they never have to see each other. I ask her where she lives in Manchester, and this is when the interview turns weird.
"In the city centre," she says. Where in the centre, I ask. "I'm not going to tell you. You're not going to write it down." I'm just nosy, I say, it's not for public consumption. "Well, I'm not going to tell you because I don't know what you'll write down." There's a steeliness in her voice. All the fun has gone out of it. So I change the subject. Is it hard being in a relationship with another comic? "Ah, see, I don't really like talking about him. Are you going to print his name? I'd rather you didn't, but you're going to, aren't you?"
Well, I don't need to if you don't want me to, but it will seem strange, I say, because other interviews mention your boyfriend, and his Wikipedia entry has you down as an item. "That's because people I ask not to put his name in do put his name in, because you're not all that trustworthy." I think she means journalists in general, but either way, I guess, it's not a compliment. "Just because he's doing telly now, I don't want people to think he's doing well because of me."
Blimey. Why on earth would they think that? "When we started going out, we didn't tell anybody for months because I didn't want anybody to think he was writing my jokes. Cos he wasn't. I was doing it all myself." The more she talks, the more bewildered I am by all this paranoia. She offers me a deal: if I don't mention his name, we can talk generally about what it's like to go out with another comedian. Done.
Is it competitive? "No. It's just like having a funny friend. It's never competitive. It's like, would two people who work in shops come home and say, 'I sold more handbags than you'? No, they fuckin' wouldn't, because they get in from work and say, 'Oh, I'm so glad I've finished work. Let's put the telly on and get the tea going.'"
But it's not quite as simple as that, is it? Comedians largely rely on life experience for material – and if you're sharing that life, you have to decide how to divvy up the funny bits. "Ah, but he does all one-liners, his is all based on wordplay, so if anything funny happens between us, I get it. Ha ha ha ha!" Her voice is once again full of squeaky bonhomie as she acts out the scenario. "'You can't have it because it's not wordplay!' He's never told anything on stage that is based on his life."
Does she think she's like her dad? Yes, she says, and asks why. I tell her I once read an interview with him where he said: "I'm as easygoing as an old shoe, but when I explode the doors come off – and Sarah's the same." She says: "Probably. It takes quite a lot for me to get really mad. But when I do, I don't get shouty, but yeah ... "
Earlier this year, Millican made the news after asking a fan to stop filming at a gig. The fan wrote on Millican's Facebook page afterwards that she was "the lady videoing you in the front row, great show xxx". Millican responded by telling her that filming was an act of theft, and she wouldn't be welcome at future shows. Was that an example of her exploding? "People film all the time and it's annoying ... The way you say it is different from the way I meant it. I just said you're not really welcome to my shows any more, 'cos she was filming it, and she wasn't apologetic."
I say I was surprised by her reaction – after all, the fan stopped filming, then later sent her a lovely message. "But you weren't in the room," she says. "I'm very protective of my material. And you have to be, because it's very easy for people just to steal jokes. I think it's the lowest, absolutely the lowest ... " She trails off, but she's not finished. "Just because I'm on the telly, I can't say, 'Can you stop stealing my show, please?' I'm totally within my rights. And I do it nicely. It happens to every single comedian. Comics put mobile phones up their bums – I've seen this. They put them in pint glasses. I've seen comics smash the mobile phone they were filming with."
Really? "Yeah. And you know what I did? I asked a lady to stop recording. That's all I did. And I told her I didn't want her to come to my show – and that, compared to what other people have done at normal comedy gigs, is nothing. I think I dealt with it very well."
I'm astonished by the intensity of this attack and don't really know what to say. So I tell her my daughters are fans of hers and she looks delighted. The voice rises up a notch and once again she's warm, open, lovable Sarah Millican off the telly. She tells me how lucky she is. "I always think the trick is to find something you love doing and get somebody to pay you to do it. I always wanted to be able to say I pay my electricity bill by telling cock jokes." She pauses. "That's hilarious!" she says, more to herself than to me. "Then it just all got a little out of hand."
Thoroughly Modern Millican is out on DVD on 12 November. The Sarah Millican Television Programme returns to BBC this Christmas.